Still Working on Patience


I always strive to have more of it. Those who remember me from my childhood may be shocked that I developed any patience. As a child I was diagnosed with ADHD and was a complete disaster in elementary school. Not only couldn’t I sit still or focus, but I couldn’t help but annoy my classmates. Oh, and my teachers. God bless them and their patience. To make matters worse, I always got really good grades… I didn’t see much need to sit in class and listen to my teachers.

My parents tried many different techniques to help me. They realized early on that I wasn’t likely to conform. I was a stubborn and energetic little boy. I believe it helped that my dad struggled with similar issues as a child. My parents set up activities to help redirect my energy to more productive (read less annoying) purposes. I started playing on two soccer teams. After school I would go on long walks or bike rides with my mom. They also encouraged my inquisitive nature by finding me books that aligned with those interests. They even went so far as to find junk parts and machines I could take apart, although I think this was so I would stay out of my dad’s tools :o)


IMG_1411Anyway, over time I outgrew some of these struggles and learned techniques (which I share below) to help me overcome the rest. I still march to the beat of my own drummer, which fortunately doesn’t bother my wife. I still embrace wild ideas…. like when we decided to live Flexibly Independent……. and a longing to live on a boat. Note: Mrs. IS says NO BOAT until our children can all swim! We’re well on our way to achieving our life goals, and we’re doing it together. The difference is in how we pursue our goals. Years ago, I would just take off on a tangent and go after something. Now, as an adult, we lay out a plan…….talk about it together…….and put that plan in action. I couldn’t do these things without patience and focus.

You may be wondering what I do to moderate my high energy level and (typically) distracted nature. Well, I share the three main concepts below. Every person is different, but nearly everybody can use more patience. It has been said that patience is a virtue. Like when your “well researched” investment idea is going south. When someone cuts you off in traffic. When your children or spouse are especially needy. When you have 5 hours worth of tasks to do, but only 3 hours to complete them. My advice to you is to let it go, just let it go.
IMG_2159 Surprisingly enough, the free time and flexibility we have now attained…..seriously tested my patience.  I have so many interests and there is so much that I want to accomplish.  At first I didn’t want to waste a moment.  Not one little bit, but in time I found a better balance. That sounds easier than it is, so here are the three things I do to work on my patience.

1. Have Diverse Interests– When you’re struggling with one task or assignment, don’t keep “beating your head against the wall”. Move on to something else, and return to the task when you don’t feel so frustrated. I used this a lot when I was working as a project engineer. Let’s say I was in charge of a team tasked with designing a stormwater or utility network. My job was to establish the parameters and general direction, before setting the team loose to design and model the system. Invariably, there would be a hiccup somewhere along the line…..and we would hit a block wall. Usually, I would jump in and solve the problem and away our team would go again. Sometimes however, a solution would be elusive or problematic. Rather than putting together a half baked solution, I would often reassign the guys……or send them home if it was late enough in the day. Why?! Well I needed to patiently think through the problem and develop a solution, and I couldn’t do that with four guys standing in my office staring at me. I know myself and I know what works for me.

I apply the same concept to my current exploits. If I hit a roadblock on one of my projects or consulting for a client, I do something else for an hour. Maybe I need to do something physical, like work in the yard or go for a run. Maybe I need to do something relaxing, like read a book or take a shower. Maybe I need to do something fulfilling, like volunteer at the community center or cook Mrs. IS dinner. The point is, rather than plowing ahead and getting a mediocre result…….I strive to do something else, until I can return to the original task with focus and dedication. There obviously are limits, but I’ve never been prone to procrastination so this approach works well for me.

2. Physical Exercise– As I alluded to above, my body requires physical exercise. I know this isn’t true of everyone, but I am a much happier and more centered person after a nice run or visit to the gym.  When I’m frustrated or stressed, I’ve learned that usually I can go for a short run and return to the task as a new person. Besides, who doesn’t like a cocktail comprised of vitamin D and endorphins :)

3. Update Your Watchlist– Come on now, you knew that I was going to work investing into this somehow. The fact of the matter is that investing can be very frustrating. It is that frustration and indecision that can cause us to lose (or not make) a lot of money. One of the techniques I use to stay patient when asset prices aren’t going my way, is to update my watchlist. In this particular example I am talking about stocks, but the same concept works for all investments. For most of the last two years I have been letting my cash build.  I wanted to put more of my investment capital to work, but couldn’t find many stocks that I considered screaming buys.

So what did I do to keep from going insane? Obviously investing is not my only passion, and I spent plenty of time focused on my other passions. Getting back to my “Watchlist” technique, I updated my watchlist. A watchlist (or wishlist) is a list of assets or items that you would like to buy, at a specified price.  I also spend a ton of time reading/researching.  I am a naturally curious person, so there is always something to learn.  Fortunately, Flexible Independence has given us the chance to do more of what we love.  In my case a big part of that is learning/researching, and testing my ideas/concepts.  I have been in Denver for a week, to attend Startup Week.  I learned a ton and spent time bouncing ideas around with other innovative people.  I never mind being the dumbest guy in the room……that’s how you learn.  It takes time to learn new ideas and incorporate them into your life in a sustainable way.

Patience is very important in life and investing. If you aren’t patient with those you love, you’ll strain those relationships. If you aren’t patient with yourself, you’ll develop poor self esteem. If you aren’t patient with your “well researched” investments, you won’t give them time to make you money. Yes, patience is a virtue. Every time I take a surfing trip and paddle out into the ocean, I am reminded that we will all get what we need…..we just need to wait for the right wave to come along.

What activities/situations test your patience?

6 thoughts on “Still Working on Patience

  1. Jay

    Patience really does pay! I’m also glad to see we have some similar techniques for dealing with those times when things don’t go exactly as planned (or just take longer than expected to unfold). In particular I also find that exercise can be a great release valve. Your strategy of having diverse interests is also something I use – it’s really nice not to have all your eggs in one basket that way.
    Jay recently posted…How to Let Your Winning Stocks RunMy Profile

    1. Income Surfer Post author

      Agree completely Jay, and I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Right now we are knocking around Colorado, so the stress is pretty low anyway. We are so blessed to have all this flexibility. At some point the stress and impatience will ramp up, and then I’ll counteract them as best I can. You only make this journey once, and we’re doing our best to make the most of it! I hope you’re having a great weekend also.

  2. Mrs. Picky Pincher

    Oh man, I am not a patient person. I’m a Type-A, anxious little Picky person. It’s hard wanting the world to fit into boxes when in reality it’s a messy, chaotic place. Driving and shopping in particular really test my patience. Usually Mr. Picky Pincher keeps me calm, but when I’m alone I do get upset.

    Overall, I work on patience by trying to slow down. I’ve been sick this week and it’s been frustrating not being able to do the things I want to do. But it’s also kinda nice being forced to slow down and enjoy.
    Mrs. Picky Pincher recently posted…What’s For Dinner? September 29My Profile

    1. Income Surfer Post author

      This world is messy and chaotic, isn’t it?! When I used to commute, daily stresses like driving drove me nuts also. I’m glad Mr Picky balances you well…..Mrs IS helps balance me as well. Having a great partner really helps! Sorry you’re sick, but I’m glad you’re embracing the time to rest and slow down a bit. I’m sure you’ll be back at top speed in a few days. Hope you feel better soon and you guys are having a great weekend.

  3. Graham @ Reverse The Crush

    Great read, Bryan! I was also a stubborn kid that found it difficult to focus during elementary school. I really enjoyed your list. I’ve had times where I have had too narrow of interests and had nothing to fall back on. It’s nice to have multiple things to work on, and it’s nice to have a few passive interests sometimes too. I’m also the same with exercise. Although I haven’t been doing enough of it, my body definitely requires it as well. I’ve been trying to focus on even 20 mins a day because the gym is in my building. It’s only 2 floors down and since I walk everywhere, I think one muscle group per day can get me by haha. I’m glad you snuck investing in there too. When I’m too tired to do more strenuous work, I update my portfolio excel chart data. Thanks for sharing! Have a great week!
    Graham @ Reverse The Crush recently posted…That’s what the f—k you do!—To become a Successful BloggerMy Profile

    1. Income Surfer Post author

      Hi Graham. Sorry for the delay, but we had a fantastic time in Colorado. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I was hoping a few more people would describe what works for them, as well. Clearly I’m right there with you. Speaking of which, we just got back from some great cardio at the gym. I had to power up before I tackled the mountain of errands and tasks. Haha, the downside of vacations….though it’s a pretty small downside. I hope you’re having a great week


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